What do you think about when you hear the word intimacy? It is almost assured you thought about sex in that very moment. You are not alone. The word intimacy is one that is thrown around and used in one emphasis; that emphasis being physical intimacy. Society puts this form of intimacy at the forefront of all relationships. Society asks whether or not the intimacy in a relationship is good, bad, or even exists. What society fails to say is relationships are built on more than one type of intimacy. There is more than one type of intimacy? Certainly! Without varioius modes of intimacy in relationships, regardless of type, relationships would not exist. People connect with one another based on their intimacy similarities. When these similarities don’t exist or become disrupted, the relationship is bound to fail. Take a look at the top three intimacy pillars that cause relationships to fail.
Financial intimacy is the number one reason relationships fail. Is this true? Ask the people who are savers married to spenders. Successful financial intimacy exists when both partners have open communication about money. They can openly discuss their spending habits, their financial goals, financial hiccups, and everything else in between. Lack of financial intimacy exists when partners do not share a common goal about money. They often argue and bicker about spending habits, they hide money, and refuse to share their purchases, even if it’s a major purchase of $500 or more.
Have you ever interacted with someone and you had absolutely nothing in common? You did not share common likes about movies, books, leisure activities, career goals, financial goals, or anything else in between? That’s because you did not share common intellectual interests. Successful relationships, regardless of type, share intellectual intimacy of sorts. People share common interests and once that changes, typically, the relationship changes. Often, people who break up say both parties grew in opposite directions. One party had a goal opposite the other and it caused them to grow apart. Without some form of common goals about life among parties in a relationship, intellectual intimacy will be the downfall of its existence.
Think about the time you met a present or past significant other. When you first met and wanted to get to know more about each other, more than likely, you both went on a date. Maybe you went bowling, dancing, took a walk in the park, went out for dinner and a movie, or something similar. You may or may not had a great time, nevertheless, it was important for the initial building of the relationship. If the first date was successful, you likely continued to date thereafter. Married couples continue dating or finding leisure activities to share. That’s recreational intimacy. The leisure activities that individuals participate and have a common interest is the epitomy of recreational intimacy. Is this form of intimacy important in a relationship? Ask the outgoing individual who is in a relationship with a “homebody”. They typically get it!
While these are the top three reasons relationships fail, there still exists many more pillars of intimacy that can be a relationship killer. Without knowing your intimacy type, you will not know what draws you closer or away from people. Remember, intimacy is not just for those in romantic relationships or limited to the ideals of sex. Intimacy has many more categories that are required to fulfill the needs of people regardless of relationship type.